There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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