If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
