So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
