There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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