a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
