I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
