i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
