the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
