Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
