I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize