and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
