i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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