I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
