dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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