is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize