I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
A+ Viking dick
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
