You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
