Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
