cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
