my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Oh god it's open bar.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
