I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
