I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
