I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
