my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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