Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
