Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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