Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
