it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize