"it" just moved
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
