Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
