dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
