Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
