...so i touched it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize