if only i could text you this smell
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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