I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
