Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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