I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
