You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
