So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
