My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
