He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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