Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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