actually, I'm a sock model
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
