I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize