Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
