I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
