so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
