Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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