I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
