Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize