Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
