remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
