officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
