i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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