Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the day after is always just damage control
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
