walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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