you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
