so explain again why im purple
no
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I pour the whiskey from now on
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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