No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
