Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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