I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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