Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
