you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
