I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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