So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
