I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
