This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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