I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
