Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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