dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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