Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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