The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
