There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
