I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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