y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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