Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize