First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
