she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
