I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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