I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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