Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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