Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I bet he comes in French.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
