Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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