woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
