HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
