I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
