Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
