If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize