Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
