You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
