people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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