and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
