Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize