Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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