I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
