yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Nobody cheats on THIS.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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