You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
