The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize