We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
