I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
