he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
