She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
