What a fucking waste of an outfit
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Randomize
